In the words of Erykah Badu’s “Bag Lady”: Let it go let it go let it go.
I’m not a comic/superhero fan, but I looooove Hitgirl from Kick-Ass. Her agility with knives and the way she cusses, damn!
Hmm… My mild case of dermatillomania.
I love all my friends equally, therefore, only one photo will do no justice.
This morning as I drove to work I thought about things I take for granted, like cupholders. My ancient car has none of them which has caused me to spill many a beverage over my businesslady slacks. Don’t take your cupholders for granted.
Claudzilla, pretty self explanatory…
I think I’ll start working on the making of my Halloween costume. I spent about $20 on supplies yesterday, I just need a shiny purple dress and am hoping to get a hair appointment soon to professionally dye my hair red. Yes, I put serious effort into Halloween costumes of mine.
I guarantee you I will not be a sexy anything because quite frankly, I find sexy costumes historically inaccurate (unless you’re dressing up as a stripper or a prostitute), unoriginal, and in poor taste. I don’t want to bear witness to your cellulite and lack of self-esteem.
That being said, let the costume making commence!
We are Chilli’s having margaritas and what appears to be chips and salsa (more like tomato sauce).
We decide to carry on at the ever so classy Owl. Denee mentioned accidentally leaving a $50 bill as a tip there so we were sort of treated like royalty. “Girl that tips well! Hello! Friend of girl that tips well, I hope you tip as well as she does, let me shake your hand!”
$5 pitcher of draft Bud Light? HELL YEAH! Cheers to drinking on a Wednesday night!
It goes down the shithole when a dude from Minnesota and his old pal Mr. cargo shorts and t-shirt with long tube socks open their mouths and bullshit pours out of their mouths.
I was kind enough to offer concierge services to Minnesota dude by suggesting things to do in California, he totally abused my kindness by going around to talk to Denee and leaving me with grandpa.
“Yeah I make $200 a day! I got so much money to blow!!! TOTALLY AWESOME!”
Denee and I are chugging our sad $5 pitcher since in our minds we both knew we wanted to bail the fuck outta there.
“How’s your night?”
“It was pretty good until now…”
“wanna go to the spot?”
“The Spot? No thanks,”
“It’s really cool there”
“You need to get out more…”
“So how’s your night?”
“What the fuck?”
“Why are your nails green?”
“…what kind of bullshit question is that?”
between each question I would turn away, get on my phone, make eye contact with Denee, our eyes screamed “HURRY UP HURRY UP, chug the beer! let’s go! VAMONOS!”
“…So are you having a good night?”
“You asked me that like THREE times already!”
“Why are you girls so rude to us?”
“Because we don’t wanna talk to you and we could give two fucks about your feelings…”
“So you wanna go to Mexicali? party there? i got a room at the bullshit inn and I’d like to hang out…”
“What part of we have boyfriends and even if we didn’t we wouldn’t talk to you don’t you understand?”
The whole, throwing game at a bar on a Wednesday $5 pitcher o’ beer night.
We somehow managed gulp down that ice cold Bud Light, we got up without saying anything, Minnesota dude in mid-sentence, old dude in the asking me “How’s your night?” for the bajillionth time.
I think we flew to the restroom and once in there we let out huge sighs of relief. We seriously started to believe we would never be free from those two sad little men.
“I’m gonna throw up”
I try to go in Denee’s stall to check on her and I’m banging the side door of the stall “Let me in open the door!”
“Oh shit this is the wall…”
A combination of the southwestern eggrolls and boneless wings with watching Denee’s chunks on the toilet topped with the dudes from the bar and drinking bud light way too fast strikes me…
“I gotta puke too…”
BAM! wipe the puke off my chin with the back of my hand..”Let’s go! Let’s go!”
We run like the wind out the back door.
So glad to be alive with some jack in the box munchies, a six pack of rolling rock, and some Kevin Bacon lifetime movie as we talked life, boys, friends, our workplaces, and decided that despite being bored and annoyed to death, it was quite the night.